When I say “Happiness”, what does that invoke in your mind?
Is it this?
or this?
A few years ago my vision of happiness was a combo of those. I could be happy … when I was a size two. Things would be easier … when we were making more money.
I thought I conquered my demons with the lessons I learned in my book, Finished being Fat. I was wrong.
While I no longer obsessed about my waistline or my own self value, I began to obsess about how others valued me. What I used to share out of interest became a job where my success was determined by someone else. The amount of views received, the likes on a page. How many books I sold that month. If my post on Facebook didn’t receive a certain amount of comments or thumbs up, then something must be wrong with me. I began to hate logging on or sharing, because I dreaded not receiving the validation I thought I was supposed to have. Eventually, all my interactions and dealings seemed to be for a specific purpose as opposed to real enjoyment and friendship.
I felt very lonely and depressed. All my dreams had come true: I was fit, a published author — what was I doing wrong? Everything and nothing.
As I have learned from my previous journey, a lot of things can be changed with a simple shift in perception. I needed to look at things differently.
Here’s how it happened. I was lying in bed eating coconut pancakes (so good, I will post the butter substituted recipe later) with my kids. I had the distinct thought “Life just doesn’t get any better”. In that moment, I was truly happy. It didn’t take long for my neurotic tendencies to seep in and I began to worry about something or other and the warm fuzzies died and sunk into my gut along with the carbs.
The lightbulb went on in my noggin.
Nothing had changed. A house hadn’t fallen on my sister. No outside force had changed my feelings, my own thoughts had. The origin of happiness (or unhappiness) was my own mind. Even though I no longer had the model picture taped to my mental fridge, I had subconsciously pinned expectations of what happiness looked like and it depended a lot on how I reflected through other people’s eyes as opposed to my own. Suddenly, I wasn’t unhappy because I wanted to look a certain way and didn’t. I was unhappy because I was afraid everyone else wanted me to look a certain way. That I was a disappointment and didn’t meet another’s expectations of what I should be- despite doing my best and meeting my goals.
Then the superwattage grow lights illuminated my brain fog — I was being stupid. Again. Without meaning to, I gave over control of my life’s steering wheel. I let results determine my success as opposed to the completion of the acts themselves.
I needed an amendment on happiness to go along with the Philosophy of Finishing. After a lot of soul searching, here’s what I came up with.
Happiness is not a destination, it is in each footstep I make along the journey. It cannot be found or taken away in the things I have or that happen to me. Only I have the power to build or destroy it within myself.
So here’s my little bit of fortune cookie wisdom.
Sing because you enjoy it, not because you want to be the next American Idol.
Write because you have something to say, not because you need people to hear it.
Give because you want to share, not because you want to be thanked for it.
Be fitter so you feel healthier, not because someone says you should look a certain way. (even you)
If you do that, you will find happiness in your actions, whether or not you cut a record, become a best-seller, or get the smokin’ hot bod you envisioned.
Positive results or accolades are always welcome and a bonus, but I think if I set my focus on enjoying the act itself, I can find joy no matter where I am or who sees it.
